7 December 2011

The Steigerwald Files

Those who know me know that there is nothing I like more about the NHL than games being accompanied by the reasoned, unbiased contributions of a Steigerwald.

Not being as plugged in to the wider Pennsylvania media as I clearly should be, I was unaware that I was missing out on the startling journalistic insight of the brother of the more famous loathsome homer broadcaster revered Penguins announcer until the recent firestorm created by this well-researched opus on the struggles of Alexander Ovechkin, a gutsy column in taking a critical view of a hugely popular figure in the Pittsburgh region.

After admirably defending his position in a dominant and rational performance during his radio interview of Puck Daddy critic, Ryan Lambert, more unpublished Steigerwald notes on a selection of Washington Capitals have now entered the public domain...

Tom Poti
Percentage of NHL games missed in seasons prior to Barry Bonds' retirement: 9.5%
Percentage of NHL games missed in seasons after Barry Bonds' retirement: 39.5%

Alexander Semin
The season before the Vancouver Olympics, the guy beats Marc Staal to a bloody pulp, shocking the hockey world with his immense physical gifts. Now tell me, how many fights have you seen him in since then, huh?

Nicklas Backstrom
I hear whispers that he is from Europe. Unlike some of these guys ripping me on their blogs, I'm old enough to be pretty sure that a couple of World Wars started in Europe. Now that doesn't make Backstrom a genocidal maniac, I accept that, but it's not a stretch to think he could've thrown a grenade or two in Poland, right?

Joel Ward
He apparently oversleeps and misses a team meeting. On 23 November. Coincidentally, 200 crimes were committed in the District of Columbia on 22 November and 23 November. I'm told the kid had a tough upbringing. I'm just telling you the statistics. Draw your own conclusions.

John Erskine
Born in Kingston. I've been around a while, met a few Jamaicans. They like a smoke, know what I'm saying? How many of these special smokes do you reckon you can get with a $1.5m contract? Think he might have enough to spare for a few friends? Just putting it out there...

Matt Hendricks
Think about this. His father, Jimi was a successful recording artist in the late 1960s. I was around at that time. A lot of wacky stuff going on, being consumed back then. I don't have any proof of his boy getting involved in funky stuff like that, but he's from that culture, right? Been around the scene. Not outrageous to join the dots on that one.

Dave Steckel
OK, I know this guy's no longer on the Capitals, but my friend Damien Cox tells me he's a great faceoff guy, hard worker. Really admires the guy as a player. But did you hear any mention of this so-called "global financial crisis" before he took Crosby out like he did? Not a single word! None of my production team here have either. That's clearly not just message board talk.

Roman Hamrlik
Guys I speak to in the locker room have told me this guy was born in a place called "Czechoslovakia". Go look on a map for this place. Do it right now. You won't find it. Now I'm not saying I've seen the guy's immigration papers or anything, but I wouldn't stamp his passport if it were my job. If you are an American patriot too, you would do the same.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA oh my god, I'm laughing so hard I'm actually crying. I bet you're getting a radio show invite as a supporter.