13 September 2011

Burning Questions - Eastern Conference

The month of September means it's Burning Questions time in the NHL (except for Vancouver fans, where questions about burning stuff get asked in June).  So, here is the Eastern Conference - with a guarantee that somewhere less than 100% of last year's material has been re-used.

(Publishing note: As is customary, due to time-zone differences, the Western Conference equivalent will likely not follow for another 2-3 months.)

Atlanta Thrashers
How is the season ticket drive going?

Boston Bruins
Is Brad Marchand hampering his chances of being signed before training camp by his insistence on repeatedly punching Peter Chiarelli in the face during contract negotiations?

Buffalo Sabres
Will Terry Pegula be forced to hire more personal security staff to deal with the daily onslaught of individuals wanting to shake his hand and express their overwhelming joy about his ownership of the team, or will Ville Leino and Christian Ehrhoff eventually leave him alone?

Carolina Hurricanes
Will the notoriously potty-mouthed Paul Maurice be able to find a more acceptable way of shouting Justin Faulk's name on the bench if he makes the team?

 "FAULK, OFF!"

Florida Panthers
Will Matt Bradley have a higher opinion of Alexander Semin's playoff production once he discovers every one of his new teammates suffers a 100% drop off in scoring after the regular season ends?

Montreal Canadiens
After closing their case against Zdeno Chara's size, will the local police find something more worthy of investigation, such as the theft of $51.5m by Scott Gomez?

New Jersey Devils
What are the chances coach DeBoer misinterprets Marty Brodeur's usual request to "put mousse in the goal every night"?

New York Islanders
In the unlikely event of Trevor Gillies missing 19 games through suspension again, which player(s) will seize the opportunity to make up the deficit of 38 seconds of aggregate ice-time?

New York Rangers
Is the start of the multi-million dollar renovation of Madison Square Garden connected in any way to Bruce Boudreau's complaints about the building during the playoffs, or was the Dunkin' Donuts stand integrated into the away bench in the original construction plans?

Ottawa Senators
Is the holding of 20th anniversary season celebrations just an elaborate ruse to ice a more competitive line-up by inviting members of the stellar 10-win team of 1992-93 back to Ottawa?

Philadelphia Flyers
Will ECHL 2nd Team All-Star Michael Leighton make his season debut in Game One or Game Two of the Flyers first round playoff series?

Pittsburgh Penguins
Will the headaches, nausea and irritability eventually subside, or will I still be subjected to Steigerwald and Errey broadcasting on far too many occasions?

Tampa Bay Lightning
Can evil genius Guy Boucher again create the illusion that Dwayne Roloson is a dominant NHL goalie in the second half of the season by playing the entire first half of the season with five sheets of slightly damp toilet paper dangling from the crossbar instead?

Toronto Maple Leafs
Should fans be worried by Brian Burke's comment that iron-man Tim Connolly is "going to get new legs" in Toronto, given the historical lack of success for amputees at the NHL level?

Washington Capitals
During games against the Islanders, will Tomáš Vokoun attempt to distract Evgeni Nabokov by burning $50 $10 bills in front of him?

Winnipeg Jets
Does the franchise risk tarnishing its proud association with the military by promising Dustin Byfuglien a test-drive in a nuclear submarine?

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