Now Hiring!

It had escaped my attention until today that job vacancies with NHL teams were advertised on the official league website.

Obviously, the primary purpose of my visiting every day from now on will be in the (forlorn) hope of seeing the words "President and General Manager - New York Rangers (Manhattan, NY)" on the list.

Until that great, great day, I can content myself with breaking down some of the current advertisements, reading between the lines to get past some of the typical management jargon that infests these things.

Case in point, this vacancy with our friends on the Island:

Administrative Assistant - Part Time - New York Islanders (Uniondale, NY)

"...meeting and greeting visitors."
Sometimes up to 8,000 in one night!

"Must be proficient with...Excel..."
So you can work out exactly which decade we can stop paying Alexei Yashin.

"The ideal candidate will have three or more years experience..."
i.e. Approximately three or more years more experience than Garth Snow had.

"...excellent verbal and written communication skills..."
No applicants from the Milbury family, please.

"Candidate will work with team members..."
Every chance you will be playing wing next to Tavares by November.

"...between 25-30 hours a week."
Or the same as DiPietro works in a year.

"No relocation assistance available..."
You'd better live close to Kansas City already.

"Please send cover letter with salary requirements..."
...which Mr Wang will multiply by 20 over a period four times as long.